Do Over

Ok. Today is Wednesday and I am supposed to post my weight loss progress. Well I have no progress to report. I was on Spring Break last week and I ate my way through the entire week. I ate M&Ms and Combos snacks…Ice cream and potato chips… You know you have to have the sweet then the salty.

The week ended with me attending a formal event in which dinner was served buffet style and culminated in a platter of sweet treats being delivered to each table. I had the nerve to eat dinner on Sunday at a friend’s house.

I request a DO OVER!!! I won't be too far off track. I want to lose about 40 pounds and I have more than 20 weeks to wait. So...

I will contact those who expressed an interest in joining me in this health quest sometime next week. I hope to post a negative number, meaning pounds loss, next week.

Wishful Thinking...Hopeful Dreams

I have been dreaming… again

I had a dream last night. I dreamed that I was a student in a school. The school administrators were workers from my agency. Now, I have never met any of these individuals personally, and other than a picture of the agency director, I have never seen them.They are simply voices on the phone, so I suppose that my mind made up images of what they should look like.

I remember that there were individuals, including myself , who were sitting in a waiting area while the administrators met behind a closed door. The details are a little fuzzy but I do recall that people’s names were called out. Apparently these were PAPs who were getting referrals.

I remember wondering why my presence was requested because my wait was supposed to be at least six months, but then my name was called and I was told that I also had a referral. I then awakened a little confused.

I do know that I am in no way close to getting that good news. However, reading blogs and messages about other PAPs receiving referrals and court dates has me secretly, or maybe not so much, wishing for my turn. I realize that I have to wait, but I am entitled to dream about something good for a change.

I love this!

I am not weighing in on the Madonna controversy at all. My opinions will be kept to myself. With that said...




I wanted to post this video because I found it very touching, inspiring and beautiful. I had tears of joy when I watched it. There are so many ways to create a family. I do not personally know this family, but I think that it is so wonderful how this couple united, created a blended family and then made room for three more.

I think that this family was featured in Jet magazine some time ago. I remember reading an article and cutting it out because it inspired me. I am going to dig out the article.

When I was pregnant with Q I gained over 50 pounds. I remember my doctor warning me that I shouldn’t go over a certain weight. I needed to slow down my weight gain. In my 7th month, the doctor realized that his warning was in vain. I stepped on to the scale, saw the disappointing number and dragged my 198 pound frame off. Needless to say, when I delivered my 8 pound 6 ounce baby, my weight was much more than the doctor prescribed.

My Q didn’t have a weight problem in the least. If anything she could have used a couple of pounds. We used to call her skinny mini. In reality she was just fine. She was a chubby little baby but as a teen she wore no larger than a size 4. Her mom,(Me), on the other hand, packed on more pounds after pregnancy. I managed to lose some but I never got back to a pre pregnancy weight.

So here’s what I’m gonna do….

I would like to lose about 40 pounds. I am going to track my weight loss here as I wait for my little one. Instead of gaining weight as in pregnancy, I am going to lose weight as I wait to adopt. It’s about me being in tip top shape for my new arrival.

I was given an estimate of a 6-8 month wait for a referral. One month has gone by. So I will count six months from today which will add up to about 27 weeks. Oh my gosh that long?!!!!

As I was surfing I came across an interesting website: Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans.

I have decided to accept their challenge and I will be weighing in on Wednesdays beginning today. I will post my results here each Wednesday.I will post number of pounds lost, not my weight. I don’t know you like that yet. This will help me pass the time as I wait and I will become more physically fit at the same time.

Waiting

I have always considered myself to be a very patient person. Nothing that I have ever truly wanted has come to me easily. A lot of work was involved plus a great deal of patience. I am no stranger to struggle. I realize that this very important journey is no different. A great deal of work is required before, during and after the process.

However, I am having so much difficulty waiting. I feel helpless because there is really nothing else for me to do but wait. I have been officially waiting for a whopping one month two and a half weeks. What am I going to be like 6 months into the wait? There are some PAPs that have been waiting a year or more!

I wonder if I am truly impatient or if I am just anxious to be a mom again. I feel that it’s the latter. It’s not only the waiting that’s hard, but fear of the unknowns in the process.

I need to come up with a plan that will make the waiting more bearable; a project that will take a few months to complete. I need something that will occupy my time, my mind and take me completely away from thoughts about my process. I need a new obsession. Any ideas?

Keep on Moving... Don't Stop!

Last week I received the highly coveted I-171H. I was so pleased to see that envelope in my mailbox. It means that I am free to adopt internationally.

Another milestone has been reached, another positive step forward to motherhood again.

Don't Take Your Love Away

In addition to adoption, blogs I have been visiting blogs written by other grieving mothers. It’s helpful to me because reading their accounts lets me know that I am not alone with my feelings. Our situations differ greatly, however sentiments are similar. One mom listed the 20 things that a bereaved parent wishes that people would remember. She posted the following:

Her Words:

Rainbow Over My Broken Heart

“ I wish you wouldn't stay away from me. The truth is losing my baby doesn't mean I'm contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault.”

Back to my words:

Death is a very difficult concept. People strive to understand it but seldom do. Feelings of awkwardness overtake the so called comforters. Instead of sticking by the bereaved, they retreat, withdraw, take back the support, however unintentional. I realize that people simply don’t know what to say.

As far as I am concerned words are not necessary. A hug given at the proper time feels oh so good. You don’t have to speak, just don’t leave me, when I need you so much now.