Week 2

Last week I mentioned that I am still playing the waiting game times two. It's not adoption related, but so important to the formation of my family. This is all that I am at liberty to say right now. I do feel a little guilty counting down. But I am simply anxious for a little happiness in my life for a change.

Grief

I lost my daughter 3 years ago today.

Seasons of Love

I do love this song. If I could actually carry a tune I would belt it out like nobody’s business, I would sing at the top of my lungs, I would saaanggggg!!!! But God didn’t bless me with a powerful set of lungs. Instead I sound like a wounded animal when attempting to produce melodious sound. So in an effort to spare the innocent, I limit my intonation to the confines of my bathroom shower. At any rate I so love this song.

When thinking about the waiting game I thought this song appropriate to highlight how I feel. The lyrics ask “How do you measure a year?” It goes on to make references to numerous ways in which to measure time… In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, In cups of coffee, In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife…

Lately I have been measuring time in tears, in pain and in grief. Rays of hope flicker and then quickly fade away… So I measure in distress.

I have a new wait in which I need to measure. A wait that doesn’t involve the adoption process, but does relate to the formation of my family. So I wait and I measure. This week marks week one in my wait. ..One down how many more to go? I hope not many.

Court Date!!!!

OCTOBER 14, 2009!!!!!

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I AM SO TIRED OF GRIEF AND PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Banana in the Tail Pipe

Why oh why do I always fall for it? I should realize the game by now. I've lost at it so many times!

Getting Closer

I have been informed that my child has been filed for court! I've said it...My child. I never thought that I would utter those two words in succession again. After all I lost my first child and with her a part of my heart.

That part of my heart is gone forever, at least forever in this old world. God has promised that my heart will be repaired and that it will be whole forever.

In the meantime I have a second child to nurture and love. I pray that her court date comes and goes resulting in the words Ms. Precious is your daughter forever. We can both then anticipate the date when we are reunited with her precious big sister and my precious first born.