Beyond My Comprehension

I just don't get it. I called the agency again. I didn't think that they had any new news but they surprised me. I have to wait until next month for the case to be heard. Will they have what they need to pass it then? Only my Heavenly Father knows.On Him I must rely.

I NEED TO STOP

I am at it again. I'm stalking boards and Facebook and adoption blogs. This time I'm watching others passing court but not me! A woman who had court the same date as I with the same missing paperwork didn't pass that day but did the very next day. Why not me?

FRUSTRATION TO THE MAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not doing too well. I called the agency today and once again they have no information for me. NADA! What's going on? I was told last week that they only needed a letter from a certain governmental agency. The director is in country and is known to have co-founded this particular agency. SO WHY CAN'T SHE DO SOMETHING? WHY CAN'T SOME COMFORTING WORDS BE OFFERED?...at the very least. This agency needs to employ a social worker or two. Ones that have been trained to console a PAP and calm her many fears.

I am wondering if Ms.P is still happy...is she safe...is she afraid...is she sick... is she warm? How much has she grown? I HAVE RECEIVED NOTHING!!!
It has been a week since the initial cout date. How long does it take to get one piece of paper? HUH?

I don't understand why they do not simply insure that they have all needed paperwork before filing for court... that way the cases would pass 100%
Furthermore why no new information, no new court date?

I JUST DON"T GET IT.

Meanwhile I see families who have applied after me, with dossiers received after mine and referrals after mine, passing court BEFORE me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I JUST DON'T GET IT.

Don't they know what's at stake? Do they know what I have been through? Could that be taken into consideration for once?

I'll also be facing something truly difficult in a couple of months. I want Ms.P to be by my side,the very same way my Precious Q had been for all those 15 years...My sidekick...

What I have to face is for Q.It's in the name of justice. It will never be enough but it will be a beginning as I wait until the ultimate justice is served. I would do better if Ms.P was safe with me. We could then seek justice for her big sister together.

My Feelings

THIS IS HOW I FEEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY LIFE IS ONE BIG SOURCE OF STRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
W.I.L.L. I. E.V.E.R. C.A.T.C.H. A. B.R.E.A.K???????????????????????????????????????????
UGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FRUSTRATION

I am not in a good state of mind right now. Disappointment consumes me. On top of it all I am suffering, yes literally suffering with physical pain. I have been told that I have rotator cuff issues as well as tendonitis. The pain is very often excruciating and I have limited range of motion. And of course this is taking place on my dominate side. I am right handed.

It is now a week later and my child's case has still not been heard. Last Wednesday as you know the courts needed a document so it was postponed until that Friday. Well Friday came and went without the case going to the courts.

I was then told that it would be heard early this week. Well it is now Wednesday and nothing! Other families with the same agency are passing left and right. I am beyond frustrated to say the least.

I continue to pray and hope for the best but I can't help but wonder why things are always so difficult for me. WIll I ever catch a break?

Dream Deferred

Well my adoption case was not heard today. There has been no word about when it will possibly be rescheduled. I am trying not worry but my heart is aching a bit. Apparently a letter of recommendation needed to be included with my paperwork and sent to the courts. It didn't arrive on time.

To top it all off, my baby's birth mom must appear in court when the hearing takes place. Will she stick around for that all important day? If I'm given just a little break, she will.

Prayers for a Mother

I have no time for fancy words, eloquent speech, carefully thought out sentiments. I am sitting on the eve of a decision. In just a few short hours a court in a faraway land will decide my fate, whether or not I am a mom again. A faraway land that I know only from books and the beautiful faces of the wonderful people representing it. People who have crossed my path and have shown me great love... My brothers and sisters.

Ethiopia will you be kind to me? Will your court system deem that I, a grieving mother be so worthy to mother one of your beautiful babies?

Will you allow this woman to nurture and rear your child never ever allowing her to forget the great land from where she has come?

Will you allow me to fulfill my dreams? Dreams that I thought had died on September 3, 2006, when I lost my beautiful and precious first born?

Will you allow me to be that mother again? I long for an answer. I long for affirmation.

I pray that after the courts meet I will be answered with a resounding YES!!!