Anniversaries

I t has been such a long time since I have posted here. Life has just been so busy. My little lady is doing great! I wanted to just take a moment to reflect. A year ago today, Little Miss precious became mine officially. We passed court in Ethiopia. I felt such relief and elation since I thought that I would never see that day. It took 3 tries.

On this day 20years ago I waited with eager anticipation for the birth of my first daughter Q. The doctor estimated that her arrival would be on December 18, 1990. Of course he was incorrect since she made her debut several days later.

My heart is so full on this day...

Four Years

I cannot bring myself to writing much today. It's been four years today, without her.

Heart Still Broken

I so miss my beautiful daughter Q. I haven't written about her in awhile but I think about her each and every day. I looked at her picture on this blog and the tears just welled up in my eyes. I am so glad that La La is asleep because I wouldn't know what to say to her when she says "Mommy cry?"

Q should be here today experiencing the joy of having a little sister. She should be here to teach her and show her much love. La La shouldn't have been robbed of the experience of having such a wonderful big sister. I shouldn't have been robbed of my first born. While I suffer in pain and cry others are enjoying life and publicly writing about it with pride. I know that those who are reading this most likely have no clue as to what and whom I speak of, but one day the full story will be revealed.

The Bible says you reap what you sow. God's word has never been wrong and will not change, so those out there dealing dirt, your day of reckoning will come.

Experience, The Best Teacher

As I sat down to write this post, I was all set to relay my experience from A to Z, beginning to end, baring all of my raw emotions. I did write it out and it did help to get rid of some of the pent up anger. Since that was my main objective, in lieu of posting what truly amounts to ranting and raving, I have chosen to share the lessons that I have learned and what I would do over again from my experience. You know, one of those if I knew then, what I know now, I would _________. Although numbered, these lessons are not listed in any particular order.

Lesson 1: I would insist upon receiving a VALID passport and birth certificate for my child, prior to traveling way across the world. If I had those things in hand, passing embassy would have been a certainty and there would have been no threat of having to leave my child behind. I know that other agencies send those along with current medical information BEFORE parents travel.

Lesson 2: I would make sure that I request a child, gender specified, from birth to age 15, even if I wanted a younger child. If the agency erred or the child turns out to be in actuality older than I was told at referral , I would still be covered at embassy because the home study would reflect the older age.

Lesson 3: I would never trust the word of anyone even though I am assured that all errors are fixed and that there would be no problems. I would insist on what I mentioned above in lessons 1 and 2.

Lesson 4: I would make sure that I truly had an embassy appointment prior to traveling across the world to a foreign country. It wasn't fun having the American embassy reps explain their shock and dismay when my file arrived on the desk that very morning.

I am not sure how I would ensure this since according to lesson 3, I wouldn’t take the word of the agency people. Perhaps I would be able to get information from an embassy representative.

Lesson 5: I would plan to stay a few extra days, just in case things went wrong, this way I wouldn’t have to pay extra money to have tickets changed when I am given the choice to stay longer or leave my child behind. Also if things worked out I could spend those extra days touring, enjoying the company of friends and getting to know my child’s country better instead of stressing, crying and wondering.

Lesson 6: I would arrange for my own transportation from the airport. In case the agency representatives forget to pick me up, I would make sure to have alternative transportation.

Lesson 7 (and this should be #1) Never would I ever,ever, use that same agency!!!

Things that I would absolutely not change:

• I would once again stay at the Yebsabi Guest House. It was beautiful, clean, safe, very comfortable and the staff was wonderful.
  

• · I would still be in touch with my good friends who are native Ethiopians, Amharic speakers and current residents of Addis. These wonderful people were a Godsend. If you read my blog you know who you are and I love you!

• I will still keep each and every correspondence. When inconsistencies arise, produce the record.
• 
  

These are just a few things. If and when more things come to mind that I consider helpful, I will post them.

Finally!

Exactly one month ago today I landed in a place that I had only visited in my dreams. I think back in amazement, realizing that yes it is true, I traveled to the motherland. Although my ancestors have most likely hailed from West Africa, there is a sneaky suspicion among my family that my maternal grandfather may have had ancestry originating from Ethiopia. That could be the reason for his funeral service being held in Abyssinian Baptist church in Harlem, New York. But back to the issue at hand, my trip.

I flew all the way to Africa to pick up my child, my baby, my youngest. It is such a great feeling to be able to say that. I went to Africa, something that I have always dreamed of doing, something that I will be doing again. The next time with less stress and more time to really take in the experience.

This month has been great. La La (One of many nick names for this beautiful child) is amazing. She is such a little lady. It is like she was meant to be in my family. She is silly, happy, smart and so entertaining. Just like Q. I do not ever wish to compare my two babies but God knew that I needed another lively child to bring more joy and activity into my life. I regret that my Q is not here to be with her sister.

I do want to write about my trip which had many ups and downs. I know that many of you, have been waiting on my story. Look at me assuming that I actually have readers. Whether or not I have others tuning in, my story will be told. This is first and foremost for my emotional release and to perhaps inform others so that they may learn from my experience.

The best way for me to relay the events is to do so in chronological order, beginning with day one. So stay tuned!

Leaving on a Jet Plane

In a little over 12 hours I will be on my way. So many feelings consume me. I am happy, hopeful, but fearful as well. I have to say many prayers because I have never gone this far in my life. I have been on an airplane a total of 3 times in my entire life. The first time was 20 years ago, the most recent time was just 2 1/2 months ago.

I am so nervous. I have not heard from my travel companions today. One of my friends is supposed to spend the night. It is already 8:06 pm. The other 2, a married couple are probably too busy to stop to call me. Will I have to go alone?

My nerves are shot! I am going to pray for all that I need and for calmness.

I GOT MY VISA... YAY. YAY.YAY... YAAAYY,YAY

This past Wednesday I went to the Ethiopian Embassy to obtain the travel visa. I wanted to make sure that it was in hand prior to my departure to Ethiopia. Although I have been made aware of the possibility of obtaining the visa upon arrival at Bole airport, I wanted to make sure that I had it. The process went very smoothly. I took the YELLOW line to the RED line and obtained a taxi to the embassy from the metro.

• Paperwork filled out CHECK
• Passport with me CHECK
• $70 money order CHECK

All these items were proudly handed on to the clerk behind the window. He then told me he'd have my visa the next day. Now I was not feeling good about handing over my passport. However, I knew I had to so I proceeded to self address my envelope. But the clerk showed a great kindness. He actually told me I could wait for it. YIPEE! I exclaimed to myself as I took my seat and began the wait. The wait was actually only about 20 minutes. My name was called and I went and got my passport with the visa inside. Now I was off to get my travel shots. I will blog about that experience a little later.

Dream a Little Dream Once More

I am dreaming again. Bittersweet, bittersweet. I dreamed that my Q was back not only Q but L.L.J. (I could actually call her L.L. Cool J since the initials fit. But everytime I write it It will just make me think about that gorgeous, foine James Todd. Rippling muscles, tight abs, juicy kissable lips. MUAHHH!!!!

Sorry, I digress. That was actually a pleasant distraction because my dream tugged at my heart.

L.L.J. was a foster daughter of mine. She stayed in my home for almost 7 years. I never spoke about her before perhaps I will add more of her story to the mix, perhaps at a later date and time.

I dreamed that Q and L. were back at home and that they got into the closet of clothing. They organized the closet, my closet in such an interesting way. My clothes were pushed to the side and their baby clothes were hung together by twos. There seemed to be matching outfits. Two, two and two etc. While I never really dressed them in matching outfits, people thought that they were twins, fraternal of course, especially because they lookes similar, the matching outfits seemed to symbolize, unity or togetherness.

They were together in my life, and now they are both physically out of my life. L is fine as far as I know. She is 18 now and lives in another part of the state.

In the dream as I looked further into the closet I noticed that a few of the outfits were in threes. I wonder if that symbolized the presence of a third little girl that soon to enter my life. I wonder if that represented Miss Precious.

For those of you that may have been following, No I have not gone to pick up my little girl. She's still in Ethiopia. Why you may ask? Although she passed court in December, there were more delays due to paperwork errors. However, I am traveling soon. More to come...